I don't know what your relationship involved with this man, but I beg you don't beat yourself up or put yourself down. I have had many instances when I thought I met that lady whom I thought was "the one", but always seemed to never work out. I too long for a special love, but it continually eludes me. I remember praying for a special love in my life and always seemed God wasn't listening. However a special love was granted to me by God. I have found a bond of love that can never be broken with my priest. He has become my DAD and I have forgotten how powerful this love is.
Then again after getting this love, I prayed again, but for a love of a special lady. Lo and behold God brought another love in my life, but it wasn't a romantic love. I found a new love I never had before in Ivy and Dakota. A homeless couple whom sneaked into my heart. Although these two are in jail right now, I realize they are my God-Children. I have a son and daughter and I've never been married!
Truly I do want a romantic love of a woman, but realize that I am lucky to have a son's love for his father and a father's love for his children. Yes, all three know I suffer from B.P.D. and P.T.S.D., yet they love me more. They have accepted me. That's love. I can't forget my cat Jinxy.
Just try to ride out through this difficult time and realize there are people out there who will love you for YOU. You were put in this world for a reason. You have a gift to make this world a brighter place. Peace be with you!