Thank you. I also am surrounded by children (toddlers), and co-workers, but I never have connected with co-workers beyond a superficial working relationship. Most of the time, the toddlers have helped when I feel like this--and there are still moments when they do. An example is from nap time today. Every day this child wakes up with a groan, which makes me laugh--bc I am like "Yeah dude, I get ya," and then goes "HERE YOU GO MR. VELCRO!!!" while he hands me his blanket to be put away.

lol. I told his mom that I do not want him EVER to stop calling me Mr. Velcro, (even though I am a 'Ms') because it is adorable.

So...there are moments when the brain fog and hopelessness fade a bit, but is that all there is to life? To hoping there are mere moments of relief? I truly don't know, and not sure I can deal with it like this much longer.

My T is really great though, and is trying to find me a pdoc who accepts my insurance, as reluctant as I am to try meds again. Butttt when I literally can't understand how to fold a piece of construction paper into a cone despite someone showing me AND looking at a tutorial online, I know something isn't quite right. I mean, I can be stupid in many ways, but I feel like my brain is submerged underwater. My whole body, really.

But in the end...so what? I have no one (in real life) I can tell this to, except my T. She is wonderful and all, but is only there for me one hour a week. She replies to e-mails and will talk to me on the phone if needed, but you know--it isn't nearly the same as a friend or a significant other (not that i know what that is like) if you are feeling shitey.