My Support Forums - View Single Post - Emotional blackmail and desperately need help

seesaw · Nov 16, 2017, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlisaLight

Oh god...I've already wrote everything about myself,him,our relationship, how long we've known each and how much we've seen each other. How many more times do I need to repeat them?

It's all written in my previous comments so if you want the answers,please read them.

And about LDR,he misses me like crazy every single day,thinks about me all the time & tells me nice intimate things all the time, and keeps saying how much he wants me to be here with him...so no,it is not one sided...it's just damn hard that we're apart.

The bus commute is over 6 hours long,and they don't drive over winter.
You guys keep sticking your guns that it's same personality all the time...it's not. If he was one person, and not switching we wouldn't be having this conversation :/ because the real him loves me extremely and if this hasn't happened in December,we would've already seen each other many times & even start planing to live together. :"[emoji173]
You guys yourself said that it takes time for him to recup,especially since he was diagnosed this yr....now tell me, would you rather that a person that just been diagnosed & is still struggling with his mental illnesses, goes through enormous emotional stress when I would have to leave because he wouldn't want me to leave, it would make him extremely sad(and believe me,if I could stay,i would in heartbeat,sadly there's financial issues because such stays cost great deal of money)end up crying his heart out and very likely would end up in a hospital with breakdown again from all this....or would you rather wait for him to get better so we can have amazing time together???
I have to think of his health first,no matter how much we miss each other and want to see each other. :'( ...his health comes first.[emoji173]

It's not MPD because I've known him for over 6yrs,very close to 7 now, and he was always same wonderful kind person...there was never a single switch or anything like that for all those years that I've known him and saw him in person.

And stress training is something you have to go through in center for bipolar and some other similar mental illnesses. It's a stage of training..there a lots of them...you have individual sessions with therapist,group ones and also these kind of trainings in which you end up getting chores so bipolar ppl get used to obligations and being able to handle them. Stress training is similar to that, it is just experienceing and getting used to stress you encounter on every day life.
He's actually going through all this not just for himself,but also to get better so we could have good life together in future...if all this STILL isn't enough evidence for you that he loves me,idk what is :/

If I have proof he was hospitalized? Are you kidding me???? :O
Yes, to satisfy your question,yes I actually do. While he was in hospital,I made something for him and send it to his sister so she could give it to him(it happened during winter so that was only way for him to get it). They took few pics together for me and you could clearly see that he was hospitalized. I met him and his family IN PERSON hundreds of times over yrs we've known each other so I would say that I actually do know him very well.

Now...would you PLEASE stop questioning my every word,action or thought...including his as well.
If you can't accept that what I'm telling you is the honest truth and that there's no secrecy,hidden intentions or hidden lies or anything else cooking in the BG, then I really have nothing more to say here.
I've spilled my heart and soul out to you, to complete strangers, and what I've got in return were pretty much doubts about everything,including what kind of person I am,or he is.. :/ I've been constantly & completely honest here about everything :/
And after I've wrote all this and given you plenty of proof, you still think it's one sided...then be my guest,think that way. I've got more than enough proves that say otherwise.
I've just gotten way too tired that I have to constantly justify myself,him, our relationship, or every word I've wrote here

Alisa, you don't have to justify anything. People just have questions because they don't know all the details and some things seem a little squirrelly.

Having been in a long distance relationship myself with someone who had severe mental health issues, I know what you are going through. I ended up ending it because he was just clearly not making any effort to make it work.

A few tips for self care here on the forums (and I should take my own advice)..

1. If you don't like what someone has to say, don't feel the need to respond. You don't have to respond to every comment to defend yourself. Allow yourself to let those comments you feel aren't helpful to just roll off your back.

2. This community does have an ignore feature. If you go on your profile page you will find a way to edit your ignore list, so you won't see replies from anyone you think is triggering to you or bothering you. I find this very helpful when I just find that I'm not in the right head space for certain people's version of help.

3. I know it's hard because we feel defensive and attacked, but remember that people are trying to be helpful by providing g their perspective. If it's not helpful, a simple 'thank you but I don't think that applies here' should be enough to end that line of discussion.

4. Kind of a double edged sword here, but not everyone reads all the responses before commenting. They just respond to your initial post and don't realize that much of it has been discussed. Try not to hold that against them.

It's clear to me that you intend to continue to remain in this man's life, even if it's in a platonic rather than romantic relationship right now. I think you've resolved to take a step back and be there for him when he needs you but not push the romantic relationship until he's stabilized. That's very wise.

I know it's difficult because you love each other. Just remember that with all your concern for his health and well-being that you take care of your health and well-being at the same time.

I think it's admirable that you know you love this man and want to stick with him regardless of his MI. It will be rough, and I do think a therapist of your own will help you stay healthy as you continue the relationship.

Just be patient and be caring, as you obviously are.

Seesaw