I met someone last night online and he lives in the States and comes to Japan often to visit. We may meet when he comes. He is sweet and nice. I went through many men online to meet someone nice. Of course, I met abusive men too like you. I drop them ASAP. I met a man with bipolar but refused sex from him because he has ED- erectile dysfunction (we had sex a few times) and he has not been that nice to me since. But, this current man I won't meet for awhile and don't know if we will last until he comes here. However, I have hope as long as we communicate and remain in contact that we will meet and last. If not, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Only problem is that most of them my age are married or have baggage. So, I become happy when I meet someone nice. As you said, he may be presenting himself in another light so won't know who he is until we meet. But, we probably won't meet for several months. I will know as much as possible about him before we meet. If it works out, great. If not, bummer. I think communicating for months before meeting is a good idea. If he is really serious about you, he will maintain contact. I think the men who I met on a whim never turned out well for me. Thus, I am hoping for the best this time.