Rose I am so sorry you are struggling.

First the icecream, yes I can totally understand that, you are concerned about him. Idk what the law is in US but here we have the 'mental capacity act' with the clause of the right to make unwise decisions, so that would cover his icecream decision.

I think for your own wellbeing letting go of some of these issues may be best. You will wear yourself out otherwise.

As for employing caregivers idk is there an agency which can help you with this? Maybe a charity for caregivers or Alzheimers can advise you on how to proceed?

Hugs to you, you need to share the load, don't take it on yourself.