Quote:
Originally Posted by CepheidVariable
For what it's worth, I had a similar experience. I had undiagnosed AvPD, depression, and an assortment of other minor issues when trying to get through university. It wasn't one of the easier programs, and with my issues and personal problems I flunked out -- more than once. I showed an incredible tenacity all things considered and got re-accepted and actually finished the degree after many years.
Talking to people as the perma-flunk guy was horrid. But in all fairness, not one person was ever unkind or said anything untoward. I was not excluded, other than what I did to myself.
If anyone did think less of me, they kept their mouths firmly shut. Several were encouraging. I even had a couple of (not very close) friends in those days. I know this probably won't change how you feel. It still rarely seems to help me significantly. I just thought it might help to hear a positive, real-world story.
And, if I understand correctly, she's the one trying to contact you. Doesn't that really say something?
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I know that it's all in my head. I've fought again and again against my wrong perception of the world, but I feel as if it's no use: As I said, I've been in this exact position a year ago. I just can't seem to quench the flames of my anxiety for long enough.
I realise that I could probably make it after multiple attempts as well, I'm pretty tenacious too. But I don't think I have the strength for that anymore. I haven't got any social contact there at all besides her and every day there is just filled with anxiety and fear, no joy at all. I really like my study, but I'm not ready to just repeatedly fail again and again only to maybe after years arrive at a point where all of my peers already arrived long ago.
I really, really want for things to change. It just seems impossible after so much time.