I guess it's the Borderline's worst nightmare. We work hard to deal with the fear of abandonment.. But now it has actually happened.

I can't see more than a few feet in front of me. I'm somewhere between the most depressed I've ever been, and ready to put my fist through the wall.

And while death is the ultimate respite, it is too far off. You can't will it--and I'd never act on it. I just want to run away from it all. Drive to Canada. Leave everything behind, as I've been left behind, discarded, thrown out with the piles of Christmas trees and leftover rotting turkey. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me. Maybe then I can start fresh, and actually accomplish pretending to be someone I'm not. Someone strong. Someone with hobbies and interests, passion and a cool level-headedness about them.

I wish I knew where to go. I have a full tank of gas and a mind that wont stop.