My problem is being absent from the discourse that influences my rights. Fortunately (in this context) I'm not gay, and I keep my religious views (which, I've heard, are non-standard here) to myself. So there's kind of an existential need to participate, but at the same time I don't want any part of Russian politics. Nor of American, but to a lesser extent, although there I really wouldn't be able to participate, even if I were eager.

Actually, at the same time, as far as making friends goes, both Russian and American people, in general, feel alien to me... I suppose as much as I do to them when/if they meet me, because my language skills in Russian have been steadily devolving, while in English I've barely ever spoken, outside of classrooms... Not to mention the cultural distance that I have from both.