TRIGGER...brief mention sui, nothing graphic


My stepdad finally lost his battle with pancreatic cancer three days ago. He was suffering...I’m glad he’s no longer in that state. Me, I’m gutted. We were so close. Except for my daughter-my entire family is dead. He was 64. He was the BEST parent I had.

My bio parents died early deaths long ago.

Thanksgiving is sooo hard. My dad committed suicide on Thanksgiving Eve. My brother and I found him...we’d made the four hour drive to spend the holiday with him. WHY?! I loved him but we had geographic mileage between us and we didn’t have much contact. He loved me.

My mom...died 64 years diabetes 1 complications. I’m trying to get a trauma therapist. I have C-PTSD and my mom ... big part. Leave it at that.

This is theglamslam/RainyDay. I couldn’t access my account so I’m kitties now.

Two days ago, I was diagnosed with pica. I’ve been eating ten lbs of ice every day for several months. It’s not a want. It’s a need. I hate water.

Chances are I’m anemic. I am so tired. Getting blood work done.

Saw pdoc yesterday and he raised my Wellbutrin to 450 mg.

I feel like a worthless human being, a train wreck. A big FAT waste of space. I’m safe. I’m used to the ideation ps. There is no plan. It destroys families. My daughter...never make her experience that.

Bf and I have been arguing.

I got zero sleep last night.

One of my cats died two weeks ago. (Brief levity...turn it into a dog and we’ve got a country western song, lol).

I’m so depressed I can not read. I’m executor of the will, I’m handling closing the estate withstanding the trust. I’m overwhelmed.

This big house, it’s mine now. That’s pretty cool, I’d never be able to afford on SSDI. But so many bad things happened here. And my stepdad never handled my mom’s things.

I’m starting a med for PTSD nightmares.

Guys and ladies, what do I do? Haven’t showered in four days. I guess that’s in order.

Books are my escape. Healthy escape. Reading tons until the past month.

Thanks for listening.