Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
I like you, VO. And I like you replying to the critical replies. Sounds like you're finding this a place where you can stand up for yourself.
Can you elaborate on "that raised voice" and it's impact on you? One goal I would have for myself is that I could tolerate female therapists (and other females) disdain for me without. . .whatever it is that I do in response to that. I think it's called, or used to be called, "developing a psychological skin". However, skin can't grow well if there is infection in a "wound" underneath, which is what I have been "working on" in therapy for years, without much success, and with some T's just making the "infection" worse.
I have had some success just processing the damage from the last T's disdain and rejection of me, as I have discussed. And think I would/might be OK at this point if I could find a non-toxic, non-rejecting social environment to let the skin grow naturally in. But I'm old and it's kind of hard to find at my age. (Still working on it, just saying. . .)
What do you do when you get hurt during university? Does it disrupt your ongoing relationships with people there? Have you considered a support group or something like that at your university? Or, some schools even have "free" counseling, I think. Have you considered that? If it doesn't work out, then you could just stop.
Oh, well, maybe none of this will be helpful to you. In which case, you can just ignore it or tell me so. Best wishes.
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I always stand up for myself when facing critical remarks, it doesn't have to be here.
But I'll try to answer what you have to ask.
That "raised voice" is a reminder of people blaming me for their own issues. Such as my father snapping at me because of his own issues. Since he's been at home with no work for a few years, he's become a micro-manager.
It's also a reminder of a friend I had who'd drive irresponsibly, and once made critical remarks about my driving, about very minor things.
In university, I have my own issues. Not only do I attempt to fight many fronts, but I am desperately trying to be socially successful.
I am just disappointed with myself regarding social life and tend to become obsessed with the idea of success.
I remember why I tend to avoid such questions. Because from my experience they invite more and more critical remarks.