Hey. I think I am doing okay? Idk anymore.
Very tired. Had a bad neck headache today. Ugh.
Very hPpy it's Friday. I just want to sit in the warm and nap now that the work week is over.

My T wants to see me less, partly bc I am doing ok and part bc of cutting down her hours due to some personal stuff. I think I'm okay. But then I think of last spring when I was ready to check out of here and I get worried. Idk. She said i can always call if things change w me. I'm sure it will be fine.

I just sometimes vascillate between feeling like nothing is wrong with me at all or else that I am so much more fuucked up than anyone thinks I am. Idk which if either of these is the truth. Maybe both depending on the day? I visited my family last week- had a nice time but seeing my brother with his house and boat and wife and 2 perfect kids makes me feel inadequate. It's sad that I have none of these things. i don't always want them but sometimes I feel regret that my life didn't turn out how I had imagined. If I was married with kids my parents would probably have moved closer to me than to my brother. I don't blame them for wanting to be near their grandkids but seeing this neat little life my brother has makes me feel frustrated that things have always come so easy to him and I have had to fight to just stay afloat.

My sister was talking about her bf sister and how she suffers from depression and doesn't help around the house. She was empathetic to her struggle on one hand but totally judging her on the other. Even my mom asked if she was getting help for it, as if taking some pill would fix her right up. People have no fuucking clue that ADs don't just magically cure depression- they are like Tylenol for a headache. They dull the pain so it's tolerable but it's still there. I didn't realize how much they don't get it. It's frustrating.

Anyway hugs to all who are struggling. MY tomorrow be better than today. Hang in there.