((((OE))))

So sorry to read that you're in a triggered state. I read through the thread before posting. Your OP started with wondering how to tell your parents about not visiting more. And you did it! You told your dad that it's because you aren't welcome there.

I did it, I finally got to wish my father a happy birthday and hear his voice and see if he could follow a discussion with me, but to just do that simple thing was met with my sister talking down to me and literally shouting F you at me and hanging up on me. I hope my father overheard that, but I doubt it because he is hard of hearing. And that in itself is triggering in that I am being attacked like that and my parents are THERE and yet they are not there, VERY TRIGGERING. I don't know if my father got what I meant when I responded to him asking me to stop by with "I would dad but I am not welcome there".

It's a weight off, though this distraught after effect. Your sister doesn't sound like a very nice person. Your brother seems tuned in where he told her there was no way she was taking control legally speaking of their finances when she asked him about declaring your dad incompetent.
At least you have your brother for some understanding especially in a more historical context.

It's a weight off? I don't know healingmeforme, because I don't FEEL like it's a weight off, instead I feel weighted down and VERY tired.