Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Thanks, Curry, for your generous praise and encouragement. I am goimg to ask at the VA about support groups. People who've never done this can't really know what it's like. I certainly didn't know. Since he's much older than me, I always assumed I would end up his caretaker and thought I knew what I was in for. But I didn't expect he'ld be this dependent for such a long time - years. I didn't expect that years of my life would be so utterly consumed by his situation. I have no legal or moral obligation to keep taking this on. And our relationship wasn't so great, ever. But we have been very close, despite our ups and down, for quite a long time. He means a great deal to me, though, at times, I'm not even sure why.
Crypts, my dream is to have 24 consecutive hours all to myself. The person who was here today as a sitter tells me he's open to doing more short stints, even spur of the moment. That could be very valuable.
I'm no saint. At times, I'm irritable with him, beyond what him being snappy to me warrants. What's sad is that the care he gets from me, even at my worst, seems arguably better than what he got in the nursing home on the best if days. Nursing homes that are largely financed by Medicaid are not up to the standard of places with mostly private-pay patients, not that those are great, either. (I worked in some of the best, where the patients were all wealthy.) It makes me fear growing old.
Today I got out for four hours and I feel pretty good now. This instability of mood is wretched. I have to do matter at sticking to some routine.
Thank you for the posts above. A large part of my difficulty is that I am so isolated. Neither of us has family within thousands of miles. It helps for someone to hear and empathize.
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Do you have 2 or 3 attendants? That way you can maybe schedule them back to back one day to give you a 24hr break? None of us are saints .. especially when we are worn down. You are probably better than I. My fuse is very short these days. There was a time I would have bent over backwards, sideways, and twisted again just to meet someone's needs to make them happy. Now, I have come to a place where if I don't get my needs met I am miserable - too miserable to care much about the needs of those around me. That's not saying I don't care or that I don't try to help - I always care n always try - it's a matter of the amount of effort I put in. You go all out even after you are almost dead. I can't do that anymore. I used to and it literally almost killed me. I hope you won't let it do the same to you. I sometimes feel guilty for not being like that anymore - but most of the time, I am proud I found the strength to look after myself first.
After all, if I don't, those people I help - won't get my help anyway - bc I won't be around to give it to them.
So, make sure you look after yourself too.
Your mood swings could be caused by your mental health - but I would put more "money" on it having to do with your physical health atm. Stress. Exhaustion. Worry. All those things can cause mood swings when they last too long of an extended amount of time.
I really do not want to sound like a "downer" to you, or as a "critic" - if I do, I apologize. I really am just concerned about you though you have garnered both my admiration n respect.