I lie on almost every occasion. If for some reason I can't, I simply do not speak.

Here, I don't lie. I do hide things I cannot bear to speak of.

I'm not fine. I'm not even close. I was unable to get up today. So, I've had a few drinks and now I can move. I can laugh, engage and pretend I am fine.

I say it to myself over and over, "I am fine." But I'm not. I've thought about dying almost all day. I have thought only of forbidden childhood memories in between. I am not fine.

But here I am. And "I am fine."