yeah soli, i don't think it was intended to be mean... and i don't think most T's would play games either. Perna has said it all better than i have. Maybe you are trying to find ways to frame what he did, put it in another context, which is more appealing to you? If he was mean then he fits old patterns and you can channel your anger at him... if he was testing you somehow then it was acceptable subterfuge? i don't know.. but it would seem that it's only two possibilities in there.

They do have a lot of power to hurt us or make us elated... and they need to be careful, this was a bad example of careful.. he was careless. Think about it in terms of what you have said about extremes.

and i know this will sound like ********, especially coming from me and how my relationship is... but.. they have that power because we hand it over to them. i think a lot of that is necessary, but sometimes we let them have all of our power... and eventually they slip up.

if you have a picture of him maybe you can throw darts at it for today or something?