This morning I started watching a movie on Netflix called 'Lavender'.I found it very hard to watch and very triggering from the beginning.I couldn't stop watching it though.I turned it off a few times,paused it quite a few times,having to take breaks from it.

I did watch the entire movie though.The approx. 1 & 1/2 hour movie took me about 3 & 1/2 to 4 hours to finish.It left me dissociating and extremely anxious and shaky.I'm still feeling a bit zoned/hypervigilant(yeah,both at the same time) from it.

I don't know why I purposely do this to myself sometimes.It's stupid to do this yet at times I feel compelled to.It's almost like a form of SH.

Anyone else do this?