I am truly very sorry. I don’t know what to say besides that I wish there were people around you to help you.
I am disappointed at your friends because you should be able to open up to them like you opened up here, on PC.
How old are you? Do you have any relatives?
What is your level of education? Which state do you live in? If you are religious, may be the church can provide help? Are there any non profit organizations in where you live? There are non profits that extend care to those in need.
I am asking these because I would like to come up with ideas to help you.
Please do keep in touch. Isolation can make things worse.