my husband , friends and dr wants me to stay stable because am trans male and am wanting to have a male body i have to try and be ok from now on its putting pressure on me to remain stable but part of me wanting to self injure and do other bad things that i cant do if i **** up i cant have a male body like i want to I CANT **** UP at all

what if i cant do that will i never get the body that i want will i have to go back to the start over and over again

I know am a **** up with self injuring or doing other things to harm myself

WHAT HAPPENS IF I **** UP
ITS JUST SEEMS LIKE DEATH NO OTHER CHOICE