I want help but I do not feel it’s even possible. I want to be well.....I’ve got such crazy thoughts. I think people are remotely causing me pain and suffering.....physical and mental torture. It seems unbelievable but I’ve watched things which lead me to believe it is. I hurt so bad....physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. I’ve said terrible things. I’m accusing people of things again and I don’t want to do that. Likely these people have nothing to do with any of this. I’m afraid of what I will do to myself.....one stupid minute of irrational thinking and a bottle of pills will be gone and then people will suffer or hospital staff will be put out. I don’t know. I don’t think I’m going to do it but the impulse gets so terrible. I’m drowning.