I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm hopeless. I'm depressed. I don't give a hoot about anything. I want this life over. I don't care if people like me or hate me - most probably hate me by now anyway. I am so frigging tired of it all.

Go ahead judge me.
Tell me I am screwed.
Tell me I don't know my head from my rear end.
Tell me you know my life better than me.
Tell me you know what my thoughts are better than I do.
Tell me I don't really have it that bad.
Go for it.
Tell me.
Let's hear it.

Know why?????
I try with everything I have in me to treat people with compassion and love and understanding. I try to protect people in need or hurting. I try to be very up front and honest about things that bother me, and most of the things involving who I am. I try to be a basically "decent" person (at least as how I view one to be).

What do I get back?

I get told how crappy a person I am. How I don't ever do things right. How nobody likes me. How I never really had it that bad. How hundreds of other ppl have it much worse than me. How what I thought I felt or said wasn't really what I felt or said at all. How I don't know how to interact with people. The list goes on.

So I don't care. Add to it. You know I am hurting. If you have been following my posts over the past few days you know exactly why.

Go ahead. Make fun of it. Tell me its nothing.

Yes, this is in part vent, in part a last ditch effort to get help, and in part just a serious statement that other than ticking me off more - saying crap about me does nothing. Ticking me off is useless. You want me gone? Anger won't do it. You want me to stick around? Anger pushes me away from you.

Do not start pointing fingers of blame at yourself or others - if I wanted that done I would do it myself. I am not even trying to say it happened here - but it did happen tonight. Way too much happened tonight.