I couldn't think of a better title for this thread, but I'm angry at the moment. And there are few things in this world that can make me angry. My mother being one of them.

She is so toxic and has been my while life. I noticed again this evening just how different and open and friendly I am with friends, and how tense and stressed and how my walls are always up around my mother and family.

I mean, what kind of parent tells their own child that "maybe it would have been best if you were never born"? And that just a year ago.

My whole life and especially as a child, I had to live with her explosions and her drama. Taking everything out on me and blaming me for everything, and always making everything about her.

And her manipulations. I mean, my mom was shoving me up against walls threatening to punch my lights out when I was 14, and I ended up trying to run away. And she was furious and said if I was so unhappy living with her, she could pack my bags and I could live out on the street and fend for myself.

She tried to get me committed to a mental hospital when I tried to run away. And many years later, my therapist asked me, "so nobody asked WHY you ran away?", and she was right. My mom was so busy trying to take any focus off her and her responsibility and tried to make it out that I was the one who had the problems - when I was just trying to get away from her and her abuse.

And it's crap like this that I've dealt with my whole life with her.

And honestly, the worst part of it was how trapped I felt then. I tried to tell a school counselor about it and he called in a 'conference' with my mother and I, which she lied the whole time, and he wouldn't believe me that she was doing that.

And it's times like this that I honestly think that some people are just not fit to be parents and should just not have children.

It is so hard and I have really tried to forgive her for everything. But I don't see how or why I should stay in a relationshop with a toxic person that will never change. Cause it doesn't matter at all what I do, as long as they never change, nothing will ever change, and it never has.

I got angry with my friend who said that I should stay in a relationship with her regardless. Cause he doesn't understand that staying in contact with her constantly picks at those scabs that never get to heal.

When truth is, I want nothing at all to do with her. I can't freaking stand her. And I feel guilt for feeling that way, but I just can't stand having her in my life any more.

People don't realize just how badly children need unconditional love and support, and how much that can affect them through their entire lives by not getting even those basic needs met, let alone having to live through abuse.

This is one of the few things that make me angry. Especially seeing children mistreated by their parents, cause I know what that is like.

And you know, to be honest, I'm glad I can't have children myself and never did, because I know I would have been a terrible parent myself, and I fully recognize that.

Nothing else to say. I'm just angry at the moment.