Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas
You're a very strong person.
And I understand your reasoning. That's what I believed throughout my time living with my dad. That's why it took me so long to leave, but I did. I met my fiance and so far, nothing's happened. But that's my problem, that "so far" mindset. I'm always waiting for it. From someone, anyone. A part if me, as sick as it may be, actually wants it to happen. I mean, it's how I lived for so long. I'm almost three years out of it and I'm still not used to the lack of chaos I used to know. I know how to live in the chaos. Here, things are too peaceful for me to feel safe.
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I'm not that strong.
I just know attempting is fruitless.
See - we are similar. I went almost 3yrs without abuse after 28yrs of being in it. I thought it was over - n now, here it starts again. It's like a huge punch in the gut n I just really don't even care to try to struggle against it again. When I say I want out its cuz I don't understand why God won't take me out of this world. Leaving this abuse would just land me in another - I learned that last time. So no purpose doing that. And I have no faith in it remaining "better" even if it stops.
I totally understand you. You are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would be too. I don't think its something that is explainable to anyone who has never been there.
People wanna call it "the victim mentality". Okay, fine, I don't care. Call it whatever. Live my life. Then judge. That's how I feel about it anymore. I don't know about you.
*hugs*