i figure i have to cut him a break.. i'm not easy to work with... i have told many people in chat that IRL i am pretty intimidating, it's my protection i guess. Either way, i am not "fuzzy" at all. i can be pretty aggressive in a nonphysical way. i can deliver razor blade comments which can cut just about anyone down. i actually gave him the finger the other day. yeah. i'm a freak and i can be a complete bee with an itch. (if you get what i mean)

so i am losing my anger toward him. now i just feel a kind of emptiness. i'm not feeling like going back now. i told him i might not... i dont know.

i could walk away right now and the feelings about this would carry me through. Right now i could cut the bond and be ok... which is not the case normally. So, if i want to walk then now is the time.

so much other %#@&#! going on in my life right now... i really dont need or want crap with T to be an issue now too. i needed him to just be on my side for now, be supportive, be an anchor. If he cant be that during these kinds of times then i dont know why i am there... to add to my stress?