This is more just a venting topic, i found that i like to at least write about this things, would like more to other read the things i write but, i cant wait so much about life. So.

My sister and my niece came to visit short ago, at first i was bit scary, cause i was really bad before they came, i was really tired, and kinf of "disconected" from the world, so didnt want to make a bad impression, but things got really well, my sister and niece went just 2 days ago.

Have my nice at my house was good, cause I had 1 thing to think for wake up everyday, i like to play with her (is 2 year old), and etc, the bad part was that i didnt have time alone, its very small problem but i started to smoke again and i knew if my sister watch me smoking was going to be a deal and i dont like to deal with deals

Now going back again to i was trying to explain, the experience of have my niece here was really good and made me charge my energies, but, after they left i slept the whole day, i came to my house at 7am from the airport, i ate something, and then i slept until 6am of the next day, feeling totally destroyed, and when i do this i have a thing, its like "where am I ? what i have to do ? what life means ?", im just so disconected, i had anything to put my feet on ground, i had no-one to talk, nothing to do, and the night (was 6 or 5am, still dark) makes me have this desconection, and even that i slept a lot i was really numb, and really didnt want to have to wake up and start to do things, im just tired to do things,, im talking a lot, but...

In resume, i was so numb, and today i had this thing again, that all the experience to have such great momments with my niece felt like just past, like something of the past, and now im again in the same situation, of feel desconected of the world, just floating in the air, with just myself, in the air.

And its scary cause its like "loose all the memories and good feelings" of something so good that is share momments with family (not with my sister cause she can be a hell, but my niece is good, sometimes get mad, but let stay with the good).

Its scary, feels scary, i should explain more about this, but, if someone passed through or is going through big ammounts of stress and lack of good sleeping would understand what im talking,, ive been battling with this all this year, and the year before too, its such a scary thing to deal.

Well, closing this message by now.

This is not a very nice image to share but, sometimes, like just a minute ago, i spend too much time awake and with stress that my nose bleeds from nowhere, the first times this happened me i knew was bad, then i get used to have nose bleeding during the day, but now i think can make me really really bad, ive been really bad other times, really scary about my mental health.