I’ve been through a lot of trauma in my life. I am chronically ill with a syndrome that almost killed me when I was born (22q11.2). I have medical trauma from 21 surgeries and spending years in the hospital etc. I later was prone to bullies and they threatened my life in high school. I lost my only friend in school (he died at 15) and got bullied so bad my parents pulled me out of school. In college, I dated a guy for a year. He raped me daily for a year and I have severe trauma from him trying to kill me multiple times (he was nuts and I think he’s a serial killer but there’s nothing I can do - I did get away).

While recovering from rape, I learned that I have childhood trauma. My mother is severely emotionally abusive and I’m like 99% sure she has bipolar and rage - her primary care doctor thinks so too. I suffer from her abuse. I haven’t talked to her in three weeks because she almost ruined my marriage (long story). I want her to get help, but she’s the type of person that helps everyone but herself and is very manipulative about it. Because I am her daughter, she basically owns me. I am trying to break away, but it is hard. I need to get away from trauma, but it keeps coming to me. November is my anniversary month (technically it’s this week my abuser tried to kill me and my best friend died - ironically happened on the same day 7 years apart).

So I’m in anniversary mode (hyper alert?) and I’m still going through this stuff while uncovering stuff. It’s just really hard to talk about. I have trouble going into detail because anyone who knows my mother won’t believe me because she’s like an “angel” except at home. Though her boss did tell her she needed anger management classes or they’d fire her so she got mad and quit. She’s basically a ticking time bomb that’s going to explode.

I just need to get away. I probably need a service dog because of my ptsd. Work keeps me busy, but I work for family so it’s hard. I need a new job but I’m scared of change.

I’m getting a dog soon because animals help me so much. I have this connection with them. My husband says I can get a trained attack dog to sit in my lap. I pick up my Beau in 2 weeks!

I just need to get away from this town, but I’m scared. I’m scared of change. I thought trauma was over but it’s not...

Hugs/tips/anyone understand/been through this?