Hi drunksunflower, your situation is a familiar one to me, this is where I find the whole key i think. I was on citalopram for just over three years, and now take no meds. What precipitated the meds in the first place for me was a two weeks long episode of unstoppable crying.

It's amazing that you get to have a freakin, degree in psyc, as that should be an immeasurably valuable asset to you as you expand your understanding of your self as other than how you feel. At least, that is how I've come to regard the special kind of attention I find that enables me to survive with out the meds.

For me it came down to the fact that the benefits of the meds truly were outweighed by the host of side effects and out right ill effects of them. Having tried many of their drugs in addition to the citalopram, I can only reccomend one of them and that is (i'll spell this wrong) olanzopine. I works immediately to halt the crisis, or breaking point of many kinds of brain clutter. It works with in an hour to restore even the most frantic or depserate of mental states to one of calm reason. I try to only use it in time of need as it causes weight gain and god knows what else if you stay on it.

Another prong of my attack, so to speak, is to develop a longer and longer list of right brained things that I like to do. Drawing, music, painting, writing, those things all are right brain activities and engaging in them bathes the brain in endorphines and feel good chems. Sometimes that is enough to maintain function.

There just doesn't seem to be a med that does enough without problems of its own, and neither does there seem to be a single idea to make an "ultimate" difference. But I do find, that being as vigilant as possible over a number of things, I can live a better life without the pills.

Happy to compare notes with you on this any time.

peace