This post is actually a way of clarifying exactly what it is when anyone (including some well intentioned people here) tells me "you allow it".

If someone does not understand the psychology behind abuse - I can explain that well too. There are reasons though other than just the psychology of abuse I do stay. And while you may now say "aha! See? You DO allow it!" You still don't know those reasons - and likely you won't because your brain is only tuned into one idea "abuse" - when in fact this is a multi faceted case. Each case of abuse is different. Each case of mental health issues is different. Why? Simple. The people are different. Since they are different, it is imperative you hear everything that is going on before you attempt a solution.

So this post is me - trying to figure out why people find it "ok" to say "you are at fault for your abuse". That is what "you allow it" means.