Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind
This post is actually a way of clarifying exactly what it is when anyone (including some well intentioned people here) tells me "you allow it".
If someone does not understand the psychology behind abuse - I can explain that well too. There are reasons though other than just the psychology of abuse I do stay. And while you may now say "aha! See? You DO allow it!" You still don't know those reasons - and likely you won't because your brain is only tuned into one idea "abuse" - when in fact this is a multi faceted case. Each case of abuse is different. Each case of mental health issues is different. Why? Simple. The people are different. Since they are different, it is imperative you hear everything that is going on before you attempt a solution.
So this post is me - trying to figure out why people find it "ok" to say "you are at fault for your abuse". That is what "you allow it" means.
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If you want to share the psychology, I'll listen (see below). Some others would likely find it useful too.
As for the rest, the biggest reason I haven't ventured any specific advice is precisely because I don't really know your situation. I've wondered about some aspects (money, relations, community) but they would be pointless and probably wrong wild guesses.
I too think people are highly individual. So, yeah, I get what you're saying. (I'm also a neurotic/inquisitive/assimilator type, so when presented with a challenging problem I always have the urge to gather all the information I can get and then some. Sometimes I overdo that.)
Sorry, I'm not entirely sure about when the average person says "you are at fault" or "you allow it". I could hazard some guesses based on what I perceive to be popular conceptions, I suppose.