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I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I can relate to a lot that you've written here. My way of escape at 19 years old was to join the Air Force. But there are other ways.
You mention that you want your Mom to get help, but I wonder, have you reached out for help yourself? Have you seen a therapist? I waited until I was 53 years old to seek therapy and I wish I had started sooner.
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"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)
"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
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