I appreciate the suggestion scorpiosis, but at this point just even making a simple phone call turns into a big deal so I really doubt any effort I make would fair well at all at this point.

I specifically called in the morning because she had said that was the time to call. Truth is it doesn't really matter WHAT time I call because it's always SOMETHING with her.

So I tried to stand up to her and that doesn't work because she ends up yelling, and tends to choose a loud F you and hangs up. She insists on people sitting through her need to direct and talk down to and if you don't do that she basically yells and stomps.
I have even seen her do that with hospital staff and at times even my parents who often described her as "mean and bossy" to me. She definitely has major passive aggressive issues and she can explode in a rage too as she has done that with me when I did not deserve it.

I understand that taking on the task as caregiver is very stressful. I have seen her react in ways where she really did not want to do it, yet she made it a point to take over in controlling ways that made it extremely difficult for anyone to help her. Even her own daughter got so she would not deal with her directly and could only deal with my sister through my sister's husband. And the way my father set things up was if for some reason my sister could not handle things that the control would be given to her daughter. I did try to tell my father that the way he set things up did not give me any authority to do anything if I see choices being made that I felt were wrong for my parents. And there have been choices made that I had felt were wrong too. Including when his teeth looked horrible and were basically being ignored and an attempt my brother and I tried to make to pay for my father to have a cleaning and exam was thwarted by her and he did not get that done. Dental issues can be expensive but it's important to understand that ignoring a person's dental health, especially when they are older can create significant health issues that can lead to huge expenses.

After I had to experience my sister yelling at me F you twice and hanging up on me and then finally getting to talk to my father so I could wish him happy birthday, I did get upset and cried that it had to be that hard like that. So I ended up calling back while crying and my sister picked up and while crying I said, "You are a very angry mean person, you should get help", and I hung up. I ended up posting here a bit, then I layed on the couch and put the TV on in an effort to calm down so I would not be in the physical pain that I experience from these very mean dysfunctional interactions. And I just got to a point where I had calmed down after a couple of hours and my phone rang and the way I have it shows who is calling on my TV, and it was her. My answering machine picked up and I could not hear what she was saying but I could hear the tone she was talking in where she is talking down and condescending. I have not played the message, I don't want to listen to her tone of voice where she is talking down and condescending and making excuses in a way where she is JUSTIFYING her very bad behavior, something like "I am sorry you feel this way but I am this and I am dealing with that and I don't have time for this". All that does is add insult to injury with no regard for the individual she dumped/dumps her rage out on. What I have noticed about her is that she looks at a situation where all the hurt and Drama is supposed to be HERS, instead of recognizing how others feel in a challenging situation.

For example, when I was visiting my mother one day and my mother just happened to have a stroke in front of me, something I have never witnessed before and I got her to an ER, my sister came through the door of that ER exhibiting HER ANGER immediately and immediately told me that I was the one who caused the stroke. Her behavior towards me was so loud and mean that the nurses at the desk were taken back and all the people in the waiting room turned to look at her behavior. Her entire demeanor was so toxic it traumatized me and I basically froze. My feelings, my fear of happening to witness my mother have a stroke in front of me did not matter, instead all that mattered was my sisters need to exhibit RAGE and BLAME me.

That is what I dealt with in making a simple phone call this past Friday. Truth is, I just wanted to talk to my father, same with my mother and I HATE having to deal with my older sister whenever I want to get near them now. I just wanted my father to know that I love him and the real reason he doesn't see me is that it's CLEAR to me that I am really not welcome and that I clearly have to face emotional harassment, EVEN IN MAKING A SIMPLE PHONE CALL.

When my mother had to stay in the rehabilitation facility recently and I went to visit her one time with my husband, we really had a nice visit and sat with her for well over an hour and my mother was really enjoying our visit. Then my sister appeared in the door way and no sooner did she come through that door did she make a B line right for me and put her hand on my arm and said, "I am putting mother to bed now". She came RIGHT AT ME immediately, and right into my physical space touching me. YES, that triggered me. And to the depths of me all I wanted was to get away from her and went right into hypervigilant mode without even consciously making that choice.

The holidays are the worst in that I don't want to not try to connect with my parents on some level. Going to her house is like going to her liar, I tried that, and it was clear all she wanted was to get me out, hovering and pacing back and forth through the room until she came up with that lie about my vehicle not being safe where I parked it. It was SO UPSETTING for me when my parents said, "Oh,don't send her away". I did not want them to be upset. I did not take the stage of DRAMA because I did not want my parents to be upset, I thought about them. They are old and frail now and I don't want them upset.

It's very hard to work around a person who can get toxic the way my sister can get especially when struggling with PTSD. I never imagined having to deal with this kind of ongoing challenge and the level of how toxic and dysfunctional it has gotten.