I feel like everyone thinks that about me

People have said things before...

Its like they think all i want to do is just play and get high...
But when im trying to play around or get high im just trying to take my mind off these things and be normal.. to try to feel a little happy... but i always crash because im somehow reminded that i am worthless and that i am not getting any where...

I know getting high is frowned on but i hurt alot and just want to feel better..

Latelyi have gone out with a family member a few times and since then it seems to have gotten worse too... they havnt said anything directly to me but i know they have talked behind my back...
They dont know about my problems.. and i dont know why they wouldnt try to to talk to me instead of talking about me behind my back...

Its so bad that its almost like i hear voices sometimes...
But its not really like voices... its like really loud thoughts..?
Like did i just hear them say that? Or was it just in my head?
And i feel so paranoid... i havnt done anything wrong to anyone...
I just wanted friends and thought going out would help... but i just cant handle this you know

My dad is very negative and argumentative.. he is really triggering...

My family in a whole is just triggering i guess... i feel awful abouy it... about myself

I go all day sometimes not able to really talk because i feel so bad.. and then i get tp feel bad about being like that to everyone...