So...had weird session with my program therapist today. Keep in mind that I don't really like her much. But today kind of compounded those feelings.

First, she asked me if I had ever had a manic episode, with a trace of doubt in her voice. This has been something I've been struggling with myself, as I don't think I have ever been full-blown manic, just hypomanic. I'm doubting my bp 1 diagnosis and thinking I have bp 2, but anyway that doesn't matter. So I said I've definitely been hypomanic, not sure about manic. She asked me how I knew I was hypomanic - I said I needed less sleep, was more energetic, racing thoughts, etcetera. She still looked unconvinced. Keep in mind this is the third time I have met with her and the last two times I was severely depressed/mixed.

so she asked me then how long my mood cycle would last for, and I responded that without medication they would last approximately two weeks. she seemed to light up and then suddenly switched subjects and asked me about my periods instead. I've never had regular periods and told her such. Then she went on a whole topic about how so many women are diagnosed with bp when really it's a hormonal thing. She said i need to track my period and my mood and see if they match up in any way.

I am so upset by this. It's taken me years to accept the bp diagnosis, and I think i've developed a lot of insight into my episodes, and i do all the right things to deal with them, and this woman is telling me I may not even have bipolar at all? I mean, it should make me happy but it really doesn't. I feel lost. To think I've spent all this time treating bipolar, hospital stays, meds, ECT...

Now i'm doubting everything. I KNOW there have been times where I am more energetic, euphoric, sped up, racing mind, etcetera. And another part of me is saying this CAN'T be true, I've been in depression/mixed episodes for longer than a month before, hence why I've had ECT.

But also....I was stable when my prolactin was high, making my periods disappear. I stop invega, prolactin levels out, period comes back, suddenly i am symptomatic again. Was it the meds...or the hormones?

I've heard of PMDD but I've never heard of PMDD or PMS causing hypomania. But maybe it can? Maybe this really is hormonal. Then what would treatment even be?

I'm just upset. I feel like she's invalidating everything I've been through at this point. Meeting me three times and telling me oh, it's probably hormones, you don't have bipolar. She's not even a doctor. I'm so lost now

TL;DR new therapist says my problem might be hormonal and not bipolar at all.