I understand. We have almost same problems, except therapist and ex parts.

I have competition spirit too, and I'm still struggling with it. Somebody told me to just go with the flow. I did not understand at first, but now I do:

Just go with the flow, forget about competition. Life is something unpredictable. I remember I lost so many opportunities just to get the better ones later. Losing does not mean lose. Maybe, you're directed to something better, something that you could not achieve if you get the lost ones. But, don't just sit down. It won't come to you. You're the one who must walk to get there.

Anyway thanks, because honestly I almost forget this lesson.