In a way it's a blessing that my husband and I both have PTSD from childhood abuse. We can understand each other. Sometimes he does take it personally when he unexpectedly enters the room and I jump a mile. "Sh, sh, hey, it's OK. It's just me." And I have to remind him that I can't control it, and it's not his fault, and I don't blame him for "scaring" me.

That's one thing he doesn't appear to have, that startle reflex. His comes out more in the form of nightmares, which I don't have as many of anymore.

Early in our marriage, we were getting ready for bed. He took his belt off so he could put his pants in the wash. I had my back turned. When I heard that sudden zzzzzip of leather clearing the belt loops, I was *under* the bed before I even realized it. And I was well over 40 and hadn't had a belt taken to me in decades. He understood. Now he lets me know when he's about to take his belt off, so I'll expect it and not be startled.

Some men in that situation might have been offended. "You got scared because I took my belt off? What kind of husband do you think I am?" But it's not about that.