Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace
Why do you need to build a competitive spirit? There is already too much us against them mentality in this world. You child is 5. Let him be 5.
We weren't much into competition-type activities with our boys which was kind of ironic because my husband was a very talented athlete in his day. Rather, we had more of a philosophy of helping our sons simply be comfortable with themselves. When issues arose with others, we encouraged them as much as possible to handle those situations themselves rather than helicoptering in and trying to protect them or fix things for them. We only stepped in when it was an issue that a) they couldn't handle easily by themselves b) after we had discussed a plan of action together they requested our assistance or c) it was truly a matter that needed to be handled by a parent.
We didn't worry about every slight that came up between them and other kids; that's part and parcel to growing up. Kids are not stupid. They can see through other kid's insecurities and character quirks, even when they are very young. It really isn't necessary to jump in and counter everything that other kid says; you are probably bringing more attention to it than really matters to your child -- perhaps you are more bothered by it than your child.
How did that turn out for us? We have 3 very independently-minded grown sons who know how to problem-solve for themselves AND who are quite willing to come to us to talk things through and ask for advice and assistance when needed. They don't collapse at failure. They are kind souls who are respectful of others and are quite capable of seeing through other people's b.s. They have solid personal value systems. They know they are loved and supported, and they know how to love and support others. I call that a win.
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Very valid inputs lolagrace and thanks for replying.
We as parents are well aware that we don't want to be fixing every problem for him and want him to develop resilience, persistence, and problem-solving skills on his own. And we can't be choosing his friends for him, that is for him to do and have his own learning experiences.
In this case, both my family and my son's best friends family hang out together quite a lot and are good friends. But every single thing is a competition for my son's friend.
If we are in a lift, he has to press the button first.
If we are in a road crossing, he has to press the button on the traffic lights.
If they are playing a game, then he has to win and if he isn't winning, then the game is boring and has to switch to playing something else.
If we go to a restaurant and if there are only 2 x high-chairs (when they were younger and needed high-chairs), which were different to each other, he decides which high-chair he gets.
Every single thing is competition and he is quite head-strong to get things done his way.
His parents also put up with it and on some occasions even ask my son to adjust or give in because my son is very understanding.
As a parent in this position (or even as a child-minder/teacher, I would have felt the same) it feels a bit wrong that one child is always being put down or in the receiving end.
Our son has told us (not complained, but sort of sharing and that he is not happy about it), about this conflict several times, but we are unsure what to tell him or to help him as to how he can defend himself without being mean or rude.
The competitive spirit is another thing, and I don't think it is essentially a bad thing. Be it competitive sport or grades or being the best in what you do, there is nothing wrong in competing or having a bit of competition, but that should come from within and not from outside imho.