I'm lying here feeling utterly and completely useless and I'm so confused on what to do.
I married my husband a few months ago. Everything was fine, other than the normal couple arguments over stupid things.
Honestly, it's been such a good relationship up until this. Sometimes my partner gets moody, but I am a hard person to live with as I can be quite demanding.
That's a quick overview of how our relationship has been.
Very normal!
Anyways, a week before we got married my husband to be got mad and pushed me when he was drunk. After he apologized profusely and said he was just drunk and wouldn't do it. I was able to look past it because of the dreams we had built together and the future he had promised me. I said if he ever, EVER did it again or layed a finger on me, I would be gone!
A few weeks after we got married (recently) he got drunk and got mad at me out of the blue and I said I was leaving to defuse the situation and
I was so shocked that I had a panic attack. I ran out and said I was calling the police. I didn't. I called my friend instead. A few hours later I went back to him and he was asleep so I slept in the spare room with the door locked and decided to talk in the morning. I was so hell bent on leaving.
In the morning I woke up early and packed all of my things and was at the door. He then woke up, walked up to me and said 'give me one last hug before you leave' to which I replied no as I didn't think he deserved that right. He then proceeded to cry. He didn't beg me to stay. But he said he didn't know what he was going to do with his life now that I was leaving as all his dreams and hopes, had me as part of them.
Then he got a call to say his friend had died, I checked social media and yes it was true his friend had died. So I stayed because he was in shock and in deep fried for many days. I told myself I would leave when he was past the deep grief stage, but I didn't end up leaving.
I'm so so confused. I said to him on the morning I tried to leave that he needs to get help. He hasn't mentioned anything and of I try to talk about it he says oh here we go again..
Am I destined for a lifetime of domestic violence????