I am going to try to recount this to the best of my ability. It was a highly emotional session and I am having a lot of trouble remembering exact things that were said. I hate when that happens. He said that we will have a 30 minute 'recall' phone session this week to process the session further.

We were talking about how the little girl was so mad last week when she couldn't see him twice. He wanted to know how the little girl could feel safe with him and fit in with the "others." I said the little girl is the least like the other compartments of my personality.

He said, "The little girl is loved in here." I said, "Um, loved by who? Who loves her?" And he said, "Well, who's in this room?"

Whoa.

He continued on to tell me that he values, understands, respects, and cares for the little girl and the best way to express that is by love.

I asked him why he used the word 'love.' I had brought along some pictures of myself when I was a little girl. He held up one of the pictures and said, "This is the little girl that is part of you. She is in here now with me and she is valued and lovable."

He said, "I remember many months ago when you told me that something goes horribly wrong every time you get attached." I said, "Well, I am attached to you."

T replied, "This attachment is mutual."



I told him I was confused. That I was scared that I was misinterpreting the entire thing. That the adult parts of me wanted be loved my him, too, but maybe they couldn't be. He said, "Why not? Maybe they just aren't ready to accept it right now. But right now I want the little girl to feel safe in here and able to come back and be a part of the rest of you."

We talked about how we will define love in the next session. He said that right now to feel love as the little girl is really important because there is no eroticsm to it-- it's much easier than feeling love for the adult part-- but not to worry because even with love for the adult part, safe boundaries will remain. He goes, "Nothing that you don't want-- or do want-- to happen, would happen." lol

Earlier in the session I had made one of those, "I hate you, I love you" statements in passing, talking about devalue/idealize. I told him, "I can't believe you used the L word." He said, "You said love today, too." I asked him, "You mean earlier when I said I loved you? Well, I was just being sarcastic." He shook his head no and said, "I think it meant more than that." Of course he was right.

I am overwhelmed. Still confused. Very confused. Doubtful still. In disbelief. I get scared when things like this happen. That's the adult. The little girl-- she might be starting to feel safe and ready to come out more as far as telling her needs. T said that she needs to have a voice.