I just woke up and took a shower. I feel fine. I took my medication. I realized after much contemplation I am planning to just meet the online man and not get too emotionally involved with him. I like him but don't want to jeopardize what I have now in my life. I have a good life now and don't feel the need to add anybody. I have no intentions of living in the States for now. Also, I have already established myself here and want to stay here for awhile and will. I don't think it is healthy for me to be putting all my free time into communicating with him either. I'm going to pull away emotionally until we meet. I will meet him since he wants to meet me all the way from the States. However, I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket and enjoy my life as it is. I don't understand his intentions either about me. I understand he likes me but truthfully I have no interest in meeting him in the States. I also told him about my illness and it is nice he accepts my illness. On the other hand, the thought about being in the States in the middle of nowhere and having no contact with my family and having no friends is not really exciting either. I was married once before and my parents cut me off. I have no interest in being cut off again. Also, I can't do anything in the States in terms of a decent job. I am happy where I am now. Of course, I like his attention and his interest in me but am realizing it is not healthy to be putting all of my energy into someone whom I've never met. I don't think he will be happy I won't communicate as much anymore. But, I am getting anxious about what he is expecting from me when I had no intentions of getting too serious about him in the first place. I am going to live my life to the fullest with what I have. I have it good and as the saying goes if it is not broke, then why fix it.