It sounds like many Ts are inconsistent about expressing love to their clients, including my T. They also have different definitions of love, which can be confusing. For a few years my T was very clear with me that she couldn't say "I love you" to me. She told me that word is reserved for her close friends and family. Of course I was hurt by that, but at least she always told me she cared deeply for me and had a special place in her heart for me.

Then she read a book called Love101 or 1.0, or maybe 2.0 or something like that. I'm too tired to look up the title now. She started talking about loving everyone, and how it's a different kind of love.

One day I was totally shocked when she signed an email to me "Love, T." I asked her if she made a mistake! She said no, and told me that most Ts come to love their clients. Then we talked about "therapy love", and how it's not the same as love for her family, or close friends, but it's still love. When I asked her "what about your telling me that the word "love" is reserved for close family and friends?", she said something about changing, and about how long we've known each other. I don't remember her exact words.

For a few years now she and I have both signed our emails "love." Sometimes she writes "with much love". She told me in a session that she loves me. I found that hard to believe. I'm still having trouble with accepting that it's okay for me to love her, and with her writing "much love".

I KNOW that the way she loves me is "therapy love", whatever that means. It's genuine, but not the same as loving someone in her personal life. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I feel weird to see the words "love" coming from her all the time now. It's almost like it's not meaningful anymore. Her expression of caring for me seems more acceptable. So, if your T says how much he or she cares, it may be "better" than love. That's for you Scarlet. Your T really, really cares, and caring is like love. it's the actions, not the words that count, anyway!!

musinglizzy, I don't know how your T could have been so mean. It sounds so painful every time you post about her.