I try the best I can to not deal with them. Try being the key word there. But that's me and despite the fact I want answers for everything and I want them now, my leave it alone reaction is heavily steeped in past experiences. I have a total bias here and I know it. Really, that stuff is why I, on a personal level, am here and not the last host type people. They found out and shtf bad like. I'm not afraid of remembering... I am afraid of how the shock of that will impact me as a whole though. I can think I'll keep it together once I know, but I don't now that everyone else in my system is ready for that. And maybe I'm not either. I dunno. And I wouldn't until it was too late to undo potential damage.


I try to keep that in mind when I get to wanting to see what my bits and pieces are all about... those of us here now in my system doing this life thing, we don't know what that stuff was about even though the last group ended up knowing. It's still hidden to us and I'm pretty sure it is for self safety reasons. I have an idea about the bits, but I can't disturb that... even if my filter would allow it, I really don't think me and mine are stable enough for that.


When I do get to wanting to know, and I do get like that, I try to remember that stuff and think well, maybe if one day I will know, then maybe what I should do is redirect my energy to being more solid on my own two feet before trying to bring more stuff into the mix. I have so much on my plate already to deal with. I'm a mess of a person now without all that. Meh. But that's me. I'm not saying you are not in a place to deal, just saying that's where I am, so I redirect my energy. That's how I deal... I totally redirect and don't deal with my one protector type. I figure if and when we are ready, he will deal with us.


A/V