Dear T,

Thanks for not taking time off for thanksgiving and still meeting this week. I didn’t mention how our session two days earlier this week/ two days later next week does make me a little anxious though. I never realized how much I rely on the consistency and reliability of my Thursday appointments, that no matter how quickly time passes (and it passes oh so quickly!), I have next week. But I’ll survive.

Thanks for not commenting on my tears the few times I briefly choked up tonight. You know what a big deal it is for me to show emotion and how I can’t really cry in front if anyone. It’s the best thing for me, you not commenting on the tears specifically, just the emotions behind them. Maybe one day for real I’ll sob in front of you. I feel like using your tissue box would be a BIG therapy milestone for me. But I also know that crying isn’t the be all and end all, and you know the emotions are there.

The holidays are hard and thanksgiving will be difficult. But it feels good to trust you, to have someone to stand beside me. I talked about tonight the extreme difficulty for me to admit I need people, to seek them for comfort. Maybe one day I’ll tell you how much I need you. But in order to do that I’d have to admit to myself I need people sometimes—and that’s a giant, huge step, one to conquer eventually. Until then, please know I do need you.

Till next Thursday. (9 more days!