Gee whiz Doc you sound like all depressed people at some point in there illness staying in bed and possibly crying for a reason you may not even know , but at the time it worked , it was what you were capable of , it was the best version of you that you could muster , no need to be cruel to yourself about it, It got you thru , and no matter doing your best to get you a tommorow is what counts , you deserve a pat on the back if those were the coping skills you had to work with , you did a fine job .if we could just transfer your "lived it guts" into All newly minted doctors they could see things from both sides.
So hold that little turtle head high.