Change tends to always be uncomfortable and stressful. Human beings tend to like following along with a structure where they can predict too. For example, we like to know that when we go and brush our teeth the toothpaste is on the sink and our tooth brush is in the tooth brush holder, that the light switch is where we remember it, that the light will just go on when we flip that switch, that the toilet paper will be in it's place when we need it and the shower will get hot when we turn the knobs a certain way without having to give it much thought. We all like to have certain things already mapped out so we can navigate without having to stop and think about every little thing because thinking about every little thing takes up mental energy and we can feel like our main goal for the day doesn't get done because of all the other obstacles that are not where they should be.

The things you complained about were things that were unpleasant about the environment you were existing in. However, that environment as toxic as it was, was still pretty much predictable and you basically learned to adjust to it. So what you actually miss was how things were in place that you just got used to being in place and you could predict a lot. Well, now that has changed and you have things out of place and that is stressing you because your mental map has changed from what you had in place and things have become unpredictable and out of place. And your father is also having a hard time with this and is venting that on you. Actually, from what you have shared he does tend to do that where if something he wanted to see happen did not happen, he would vent anger and often he directed that at you.

Your mother is the one that got fed up and left. Your father would have been content to continue the pattern he was functioning with that made your mother unhappy IF she gave in and allowed that to happen.

Unfortunately, what often happens with these breakups in a relationship is the child tends to wind up in the middle. It can become a role that the child gets used to even when that role is not healthy for the child. You did not actually get to see a healthy relationship when it came to your parents. So it's not surprising that you are not all too sure what a healthy relationship actually is. This is all too common in your generation. And that's part of the reason you had so many challenges when you tried dating sites.

Well, your father is going to be angry at your mother for leaving him, he will date different women in an effort to fill that void and find someone who will basically mother him and give him what he needs. Your mother may not date and decide that she just wants to live her own life for a while without having to answer to someone. Unless you can live on your own, you will have to live with one of them and find a way to put up with this ongoing "new" dysfunction. Let's face it, it's just a new kind of dysfunction and that will mean that the tooth paste is not going to be on the sink and you may turn on the switch only to find the light won't go on and have to learn how to replace the bulb yourself and have your own tube of toothpaste you can put somewhere that you can depend on it being there. Of course, I am just using these as examples so don't take that literally, it's just figuratively speaking.