I have virtually locked myself away from the world,I have only left the house 5 times in 6 months .I have seen my pdoc 3 times and went to walmart at 2:00 in the morning for christmas presents .The walmart trips were absolutly excrusiating.The panic overwhelmed me.My husband wants me to go to a college game in a town an hour away on sunday,but I just cant go to that kind of crowd.I am afraid if I cant change this soon I will lose the only person I have left.My children who are 20 and 22 and live at home and go to college,gave up on me I believe a couple of years ago.I beleive they want a normal mother.I only sleep 4 hours a night now.They put me on trazodone 2 months ago for sleep ,but I get afraid to take it.I have cried all day . I have looked into groups like ABIL,and differnt forums on agoraphobia,and I have started to get some information.These groups say I need A safe person to help with my out of the house therapy.The problem is my husband works 12 hours a day 6 days a week.My daughter who works at a hospital and goes to nursing school has no timefor me. My son works as a technician in the day and goes to school at night .I have no family here that will help me and I live in a very rural area.I feel so completely useless .I have pushed everyone from my life. I need to get my life back.my bipolar is not as bad as this self imposed inprisonment.I get so angry I take it out on everyone.I would not like to have me as a friend.I am so desperate and so angry.