My head's loud, life is to "real", I can't do this. On the outside I look, feel fine. I think I might be under medicated. I just want to sleep this feeling away. It's to hard to track my mood. Last time I went to pdoc he gave me sleeping pills and said see you in 3 months. I can't explain myself and when I try I get too frustrated. I've taken the sleeping pills when I get too paranoid and my husband and son aren't home. I don't have a T anymore so I have to explain myself in 15 min. 2-4 x a year. I can't take a higher AP because it causes me to eat all the time when I'm not over sleeping. So am I under medicated? Am I just over thinking it? I still feel like maybe I don't need any of this. Some parts of me just felt like this is all BS and I don't really need it. I feel meds are suppose to make me less of a ***** and that's not working. I still want to run away. What are the chances I just have BPD and no one has spent enough time with me? The pdoc and T I liked (and saw me for 3 years) had me down as mood disorder NOS. The other pdoc had me as SzA. Now I don't know what's written down.