Thank you for sharing this.
Yes, you did go above and beyond and you did try very hard.
I dont know what to say accept that I cannot imagine how I would cope seeing my own mom deteriorate before my own eyes.
I wish it were more acceptable to discuss suicide IRL. It has become the elephant in the room yet completely ignored and not tolerated.
I am really very sorry that you are hurting and please know that I am here if you ever want to vent, talk.