Hello dears,
it is a never-ending story - the messeed up relationship with me and my mom and it tortures me.
I am currently working 20-22 hours a week and working on my master's degree, which is a bit overwhelming and requires a lot of concentration. My mother however doesn't see why I shouldn't be texting her every day and as soon as I ignore her for a while, she gets really mad at me. Messages as "Hi mom, I am really busy, will call as soon as I am up to it" are being ignored and boundaries only aggravate her. Then she likes to send me psycho-style, guilt-trippy texts and tells me I am mean and selfish. On the other hand, she suffocates me with presents I don't need or want and invites me on trips she knows I don't want to take and it is all too much. If I however suggest something like an activity or a visit, she doesn't want to do it. It is either her way and then immediately, or I am a "bad daughter". She doesn't pay attention to what I say I want or need one bit and constantly tries to force me into things that I don't want, like going hiking. (I have hated hiking trips all my life and she knows it, however that's all she wants to do together when I visit her or she comes to visit me. It's really frustrating!)
My mom and I don't live in the same part of the country, partly because when I moved out I wanted to be far away from everything and heal. I really cannot deal very well with her, but she is the only family I have left and as bad as it sounds, she raised me and wasn't as neglectful as my dad. She's crazy, but I love her so I'm looking for a coping method so I can spend time with her without feeling guilty or going into deep depression mode.
At the moment I am doing this:
- I limit the time I spend with her (makes her angry)
- I try to be calm and direct when communicating what is ok and what isn't (which she ignores)
- I'm telling myself it's not my fault (tough one)
In the past I have tried to talk with her, but oh boy has that been useless. She tends to blow up and leave when confronted with her own behaviour. Therapy is for crazy people like me and anyways I am creating the problem all by myself (I am making it all up you know - did I mention she also is a huge gaslighter?)

Do you have family members who make you feel like crap all the time? How do you draw boundaries with people who do not accept boundaries? Any comment would be appreciated!