I feel your pain. What I found out after many years of struggle was that life is full of trial and error. Unfortunately we have to go through periods of time where “ we’re just trying somethings out “. We need to find what works and what doesn’t. Many times I put myself on autopilot. Just breathing and functioning without really wanting to. Hopefully at some point after much suffering we may come out with a partial joy of life. Be grateful for the little things. Don’t think so much. Fake it till you make it. Good luck to you. Seek out any resources that may be available to you. Talk to others. It can get better.