I have been 'faking it' for so long now that it's killing me. It is taking all of my energy to carry on going to work and acting like everything's fine so my colleagues won't find out. Sadly there are no other resources currently available to me, I have my GP and am seeing a pdoc for medication but that's it. Nobody will tell me what the next step is/what to do if medication doesn't work. I just keep getting told that lithium works for half of all people who don't respond to other medication, as if I am too stupid to work out that it doesn't work for the other half.
I know they are trying to help me, and I feel like a petulant little child when I point out that I have been doing the "wait and see" approach for over a year

I have nobody to talk to, I can't talk to my family, I have no friends so I just have my GP who is so busy treating people with real problems who actually deserve help so I feel guilty for wasting her time, and my pdoc for medication reviews.

I wish I could believe that it will get better