She's only concerned for Herself. She doesn't care that you are retiring. In fact, she wants your retirement money. She deserves that too. Stand strong, both of you, and don't pay for her college education. She's a grown woman!! The mistakes with her children are NOT your fault. She's a woman, married, and going to college! If she threatens and/or chooses not to socialize with you be strong and say, "OK". It's her loss. Don't let her bully you!
Good Luck
Ocean